Are you able to have a heart-to-heart talk with your mom and say this? Maybe in a text/email so she has time to process it and be less reactive?
The following quote is from your post. If you don't feel safe giving it to her, perhaps send it to your school counselor?
Quote:
Sometimes I feel numb, my compassion and other emotions can fluctuate. I rarely ever feel happy now. I feel suicidal and it sucks, living like this. I don't think it is depression.
Sometimes you get mad and yell at me really badly. You'll get in my face and insult me. Because of that, I cannot empathize or respect you. I cannot trust you.
I miss my great grandmother and how home it felt at her house. She never yelled. She never insulted me either. Her house felt at home to me.
My school life isn't much good either, I can barely relate to other kids. It just sucks because I am not normal. I only like and can respect everyone when they don't yell at me.
The only person I dread is you and I don't hate you. You do things to me and my brother I don't like though. I've never shown violence towards my teachers, you, or peers because they annoyed me.
I just want to love and feel empathy, that's all. I want to feel love others and truly understand how they feel and empathize with them.
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