You're not defective, just need the toys put away in their cabinet instead of strewn all over.

I'm so sorry you're so unhappy, crashing, and low. It is definately not a fun place to be. I lived there mid-70's to mid-80's and can't say I want to return.

Do you really like your pdoc? I'd think if things are changing that he could adjust too? Or is it just the whole mess of having to solve one more crisis when you don't feel you have the strength. Too bad we can't get those off the Internet (yet). We can order pizza to be delivered but can't do a psych eval with video/phone.

Rest a bit with us and maybe we all can think of a plan that will help while your T is away and get you some support or out of the depression's immediate grasp or something.