Hi Circle. Welcome to Psych Central. I am sorry you witnessed so much abuse and trauma. That must make it rough to deal with expressing emotions.

I saw these articles that discuss some of the issues you raised. Hope they are of some help
Learning to Let Go of Past Hurts: 5 Ways to Move On

Anger Management: Unhealthy and Healthy Coping Skills

10 Reasons You Can't Say How You Feel

8 Tips For Dealing With Painful Emotions

I just can't feel emotions anymore

https://psychcentral.com/blog/7-stra...fe-challenges/

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/culti...ut-of-control/

@CANDC