It sounds like there's positives there, and I understand how complex it can become, especially after children, after years together and when finances are involved. I get it, because I had/have some complications myself as I was considering leaving my husband. It just makes me sad to hear you're not getting what you want and need the most. I get where you're coming from too-- there's something romantic about feeling protected and safe. I don't know why that is for me, but I feel similarly. I always want to know that my man has my back as well. I am a bit traditionalist in that way.