Hi @BlueSkyGirl!

Your posts evoked a strong emotional response in me for a number of reasons.

First, how I interpret it, you are incredibly lonely and being lonely next to somebody actually feels loneli-ER than being actually alone or a single mom.

Second, you sound naive for the professional position you are in - a person aspiring to be a school principal would be expected to know that the MB inventory is bogus (as has been pointed out before in this thread). But there is another way to interpret those MB/Google results - it is not that they are true (they have no basis in evidence), but your endorsing them means that they tell you what you want to hear. To given you an example, as a teen I would throw a coin when I faced a dilemma. It is not that I did what the coin toss "advised", but I listened to my internal reaction to how the coin landed. That is a perfectly sane way to use all sorts of predictions, divinations, etc. that are not evidence-based (MB not anymore so than coin tossing) but that are tools to get through to how we really feel. So you, at your current stage in life, want to be with the coworker and not with the husband. But going back to your sounding unexpectedly naive - that is endearing and ultimately portrays the same - loneliness and feeling betrayed by the leadership at school who pulled the rug under you and took away the very thing that allowed you to run away from loneliness and problems at home.

Three, you are actually quite correct in labeling the affair at this stage infatuation, but at the same time you mentioned love on more than one occasion. It is too early to speak of love, but infatuation it is.

Four, that you did not go beyond kissing might mean that you are subconsciously holding onto this delightful and adrenaline-rich stage of infatuation - kisses on the brink of more might actually be far more intense than intercourse. So I do not think it is your willpower or "morals" at play - it is your being in love, not with the man, but with the exhilarating that is such a potent antidote to the dread you face at home, with an emotionally distant (or incapable) husband, demanding kids etc. You report feeling that making dinner and putting the kids to sleep feel like work, not joy, so there is - with the job situation after you broke your leg - nothing to bring you job except for that exhiliration.

Five, the husband's reaction - telling the coworker's wife - seems to be in line with his aggressive traits. It is rather scary.

To sum up, as you are affluent and would be able to survive on your own and as your husband seems to endanger your children, the best bet seems to be an amicable, speedy, and decisive divorce. After the dust settles, you might want to reconsider the relationship with the coworker, but by then you might have sobered up and would no longer see him through a happily distorted lens.

Whatever you do, know that your courage in opening up to strangers has not gone unnoticed and nor has your ability to convey the emotional dread of your day-by-day life.