Hey @hobbypoet:
I wanted to share this with you first:
Quote:
Definition
of forgive
transitive verb
1: to cease to feel resentment against (an offender) : PARDON
forgive one's enemies
2a: to give up resentment of or claim to requital (see REQUITAL sense 1) for
forgive an insult
b: to grant relief from payment of
forgive a debt
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Many people think forgiveness is for the offender. They think that they are a bad person because they cant let something go and move on. I do not believe this is what forgiveness is. Imo forgiveness is solely for the forgiver. It is for the forgiver to find peace within themselves and a way for the forgiver to stop the pain from past experiences with people who have harmed us. It is not at all to let them off the hook. I think leaving is a great way to start this process. I think ceasing all contact for awhile will help this happen as well. I do not think you need to explain yourself or justify it to any of them. In fact I think you should do all you can to completely avoid all interactions with these people if you can. Stay out of the way as much as possible. You cant leave now with covid but when things open up more stay out of the house as much as possible. If you work, maybe take on more hours to save up and be away from these people. It is a poor use of energy to feel the pain and guilt about these offenders and you will have to let that go but its not your time yet and thats ok. There is not timeline. It is finally on your terms and I want you to feel powerful by making a choice NOT to forgive right now. I think it is healthy to realize you are not ready but it is not healthy to feel such anger and resentment. Try and lock off the pain for now and focus on holding out until you can leave. Once you leave seek out counseling or a support group to help you find peace and strength to forgive and then do it- and let it go. It doesnt mean forgiving has to include a resumption of a relationship- hell you may find this is impossible-or that it may take years to happen and that is ok- there are no rules.
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"I carried a watermelon?"
President of the no F's given society.
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