My Support Forums - View Single Post - I am struggling with issues I cannot understand.

I hate myself · May 17, 2020 at 12:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Clrcle

You are not a sociopath. You clearly feel a lot of emotions, and even if sometimes you feel numb, it's normal. Sometimes, it happens because you feel a lot of different things all at once, and even if you spend hours crying or being angry about it, your feelings don't go away, but you're just used to having them. I know that for me, I can reach moments when whatever made me cry can't make me shed a tear anymore, and it's not because I'm over it or because I don't care anymore, it's just because I've spend so much energy into that one thing that I'm too tired to do more. And it's okay. It doesn't make us any less human. We're just tired. And I assume you've had these feelings for a while now, so it's OK to feel numb sometimes. You're just tired of all this.

And no one likes to be yelled at. Especially by someone like your mother. And I can't imagine what that's like, but I've been in a similar situation, and luckily you have your brother with you who knows exactly how you feel. Don't ever forget he's there for you, just like you are for him. It's not easy coming home to an environment like this, but try maybe having a calm discussion between the 3 of you. Even if she begins to scream, try to have a clear discussion, just to say that her yelling has really affected you, that you now dread her. But if you do talk to her, stay as calm as possible, and express as well as you can your feelings about the situation.

I feel like you may have a hard time trusting people, which I understand. But remember it takes time to build trust, and it also works that way for you. When there's a lack of trust between two people, there can be a lot more tension that builds up. Hearing what happens with your girlfriend's friend, I understand that it's hard to know who to trust. You do have to be vigilant, but don't let yourself build a wall around yourself, or you'll feel even lonelier.

I hope this helps you a little bit, I'm not really a psychologist or anything of the sort, but I try to speak from my experience, and I hope you can learn from it.

And I'm sorry to hear about your grandmother. Even if she's gone, she'll always be in your memories, and no one can take that from you.

I know. It's just because of my lack of empathy, I am afraid I will become manipulative and go downward. My mind tells me I am secretly manipulative and a psychopath, but I did have experiences with might doubt that.

I can feel fear, happiness, sadness, and those other emotions, but not empathy... I cannot feel sad for people or animals(well, I did once for an animal) no matter how hard I try. I don't feel as much guilt or remorse as the average person either. I want both emotions though, but I feel because of my lack of both combined with my violent intrusive thoughts I am a sociopath.

I never felt the need to use or manipulate people, I don't want to do that. I am not charming. I am not violent or cruel. I am not egocentric, in fact I really dislike me as a person. I am suicidal at times and have violent thoughts, but that's the worst I have other than just lacking empathy and remorse. Which could cause a way down to sociopathy? Could I start acting other behaviors associated with ASPD? I don't want too, I certainly felt normal human emotions though.

Is there a way I can be normal with out making a shell or facade? My mind already tells me this is all a shell when I am being honest as I can. All I want to be is a normal person, not a ASPD sufferer. Is there a way I can develop human emotions again and quit being numb and antisocial?