I just told him I’m sorry I can’t be what he wants, and no, I never got what I wanted no matter how many times I asked. It’s time to give up.

The meds keep me calm, like in a zombie state. But they don’t help the problem obviously. We are at a stalemate.

I’m so glad to have our middle son here. He’s been a joy. He’s really special and I am glad we produced him (at least that’s good). Prayers the oldest comes to his senses in the future, but who knows. And the little one will be fine in spite of his worries about his future. He’s an exceptional classical guitarist so maybe he’ll have a career in the arts. I’m proud of them, even the brainwashed one, who I’ve loved as much as anyone can. He broke my heart even more than the warring marriage with my husband.

No, I never had anyone have my back much. Having that would have felt like love.

I doubt at this point we’ll even bother to divorce. Maybe we’ll just separate and the finances will be fair enough. I think it’s better to be alone than to be tortured by someone.