i'm a piece of ****. i'm ****ed up to my core.

to this day i still seize up around men. being in the same room as a man puts me on high alert. i had realizations that things with my father/family were worse than i had thought. but then, writing them out made them seem trivial.

i'm deeply ashamed of everything i am. i can't win no matter which way i think about it. its best for me to be alone. i hurt people no matter what i do because i've been so damaged i can't do anything right.