Well, I didn’t take that expression to mean I did everything all alone. He worked and made money, came home, went places with us. He’s happy to listen when I want to vent about something.

He was pretty emotionally absent in raising the boys. He didn’t talk to them much, didn’t play catch. I found other kids’ dads to throw balls with them. But he was actively there on vacations and we all had good times. He wasn’t mean to us at all.

By ‘have my back’ I am referring to times where someone else mistreated me horribly. I had a preconceived notion that a husband would speak up to defend his wife to the offender. He didn’t on several occasions, where I always was the first to go to defend him when a few things happened. These are my values. Obviously, they are not his values. So we fought about his ‘not having my back’ several times. Or he finally stepped up for me after I got upset about it.

I truly believe 99/100 husbands would have gotten mad and defended their wives from these few incidents, but he didn’t.

And for me, it especially hurts because my emotionally withdrawn father died when I was so young.

Actually, my step dad twice had to step in with a guy I was dating and come and got me, and told him to leave me alone. Tee hee, it was kind of funny to have to see my step dad get into having to be a dad to me...but he did do it. So, that did make me feel secure. I felt bad I got myself into a situation where he needed to. I was a twit.

But these two times with my husband, I deserved to be defended and feel protected. See, my husband, in his career, was the most calm and professional there when the shyt hit the fan. So he never reacts to anything...but that hurt when it came to me.

Also, once a kid came over and stole something from one of our kids. My husband went right over with our son to that kid’s house and got it back, nicely. That was a clear cut case where someone outright stole something, so it was a no brainer to him.