So I’ve been in and out of group homes since I was 16, but the last one I was at was my favorite. Although it was expensive and they didn’t allow me to keep my SNAP (food stamps) I had lots of great room mates, wonderful staff and really felt like I was well cared for there. I wanted to move out on my own, admittedly because I wanted to try and have a baby (I lost a daughter to stillbirth in 2016) so at the end of February, I moved into my own apartment that I had been on the wait list for months.

This was my very first time living completely on my own, not with room mates or family. I was in and out of the psych hospital for the first few weeks because I found it very difficult to cope and I dealt with some psychosis and suicidal thoughts as well. Now I’ve been able to stay out for over a month and I’m somewhat getting used to being alone but it’s very difficult. I’m naturally a very quiet and reclusive person so I NEVER make the first move socially. That’s why it would be difficult for me to join a group or club and follow through. But the emptiness I feel not having the support I need is devastating.

I feel like my life is hollow and has no meaning. I miss the group home because it gave me stability and support. Now I have no one to support me and make sure I care for myself. I did ask them if I could return during a hospital stay and they said no because I’m too high functioning. But I recently sent an appeal email to the director and the supervisor of the program fully explaining my situation and why I feel I need to be allowed back. I haven’t gotten a reply, and I’m not optimistic about it.

The biggest issue here is that I went from having 100% support and guidance to basically having 0. A better step down would’ve been going to the program’s independent branch, but they require one to be out of the hospital for 6 months to qualify. I wish I had stayed at the group home and stayed out of the hospital, then gone there. Then at least I’d have more support than I do now. I’m not willing to consider other group homes because they are either more restrictive than the one I was at or they aren’t in the city I want to stay in. I’ve discussed this with my hospital social workers.

Basically any type of advice on how to deal with this feeling would be appreciated.