I have a lot of silent movies. I can sit and tell the details, often quoting a conversation dialog but in a low key, 3rd person way. I sat in one therapy and described the chain of events leading to the removal of my mother's ventilator. I recalled the entire conversation with her physician, described both my brother's and father's emotions states... everything in very clear detail--except my personal emotions were missing. Now when I think about that session, I feel really bad because I wasn't being stoic and forcing myself to withhold my emotions. I honestly didn't have them. My mother was a wonderful person and deserves to be morned by me at some point. I'm just *&^%ed up.