I'm "trying" to be a writer, but every time I submit something (short stories, creative non-fiction), I get rejected. I know that this is normal and I also know that getting rejected when you're trying to put your work out there is to be expected. The first few times it happened, I managed to look beyond the disappointment and became determined to improve. It was actually quite a constructive process and my writing got better.

This last time, however, something shifted and I can't look beyond the disappointment. It feels like a weight that I can't lift. I am full of self-doubt and self-criticism. The piece that got rejected was extremely vulnerable and self-revealing and now I feel extremely embarrassed for even submitting in the first place. I worry that the panel who judged it either frowned in confusion and decreed that I was mad, or laughed at how bad my writing is. They don't offer feedback, so I can't even know if I am sort of on the right track.

I worry that I'm thinking about this whole thing from the wrong point of view. I'm latching on to the disappointment and the self-doubt and every time I look at the piece I'm currently working on, I am filled with anger and want to delete everything. I know this all sounds quite ridiculous--we are in the midst of a global pandemic and yet here I am, worrying about whether I will ever make it as a writer.

I just feel like my need to write is closely tied to my personality especially because I'm not writing fiction. It seems like the rejection is personal and it says something bad about who I am as a person.

I don't know how to get the excitement and the drive back. I want to improve, but I don't know how to stop feeling so raw about this rejection. I don't want to give up, but I feel like I need to think about writing in a different way in order to avoid ending up feeling completely miserable.

Has anyone dealt with this sort of thing before?

Thank you in advance.