I've been kicking this stuff around in my head for a while and figured I'd try to put it to words here.

Do you ever notice a man who is clearly troubled, yet refuses to even acknowledge it? I was this way for a long time, I'd drown out my emotions in alcohol or marijuana rather than seeking any help. Anyway, I wanted to start a discussion as to why we men are so guarded with our emotions and so rarely seek help.

I'll start with myself. For me, it comes from my father. My mother always encouraged me to speak up but the message from my father was much more stern: don't complain, suck it up, deal with it yourself. One way he did it was ridiculing me if I came to him in pain. He wasn't being malicious, he thought he was toughening me up, but he would always laugh or make a joke if I came to him in physical pain. I guess in some ways it did toughen me up, but it's left me in an inadequate position when dealing with emotions.

I feel another big part of it is male competition. If we show weakness, we drop down in rank in the group. Nobody looks up to a vulnerable man who wants to speak openly about his emotions, or who shows weakness in the face of adversity. We idolize strong, stoic men, not men capable of expressing themselves and acknowledging their areas of weakness. I believe this promotes isolation among individuals who have emotional issues, we all think to ourselves that we're broken because other men don't behave like this, other men have their lives together so our suffering must be our own fault. This leads us to see the far higher rates of suicide in men than women because instead of being open with our emotions we store them and attack ourselves as broken rather than allowing ourselves to show our vulnerabilities to anyone else.

I also think men's competetive nature adds to this, especially when pursuing women. Women, just like men, like a man who is strong and seems like he understands the world and can navigate it with ease. A vulnerable and emotionally open man doesn't project strength and is almost always seen as weak in the eyes of women, so we hide our vulnerabilities, puff out our chests and pretend everything is just fine, when it rarely is. Some men score their points with women by denigrating other men who show their vulnerabilities, and while a woman may be sympathetic to the man expressing his weakness, they rarely consider him someone worth dating or marrying.

We are also in part controlled by our hormones, testosterone does make us more aggressive and less emotionally free than women. Where a woman might have a good cry and spend the night with a close friend, we may drink a half bottle of whiskey or put a hole in the wall to release physically what we can't release emotionally. I guess this falls back on the nature vs nurture debate but it's undeniable that we are less in touch with our emotions than our female counterparts.

Anyway, that was a bit of a ramble. I've just noticed so many men around me, myself included at times, who have no proper outlet for our mental issues. We fear ridicule from other men, rejection from women, and any sort of exploration of our emotions for ourselves because to acknowledge those emotions is to acknowledge weakness.

I know this doesn't apply to all men, but it certainly applies to most I've met. Does anyone else have any observations of men refusing to accept their vulnerabilities?