Sometimes doing everything you can think of is not enough. I'm going to go out on a stretch here and say you probably don't have a great deal of friends. Right? I say that because you seem to be really down on yourself and I can see you quite easily distancing yourself from others due to low self esteem. Some of the most successful people in life got there by channeling strengths of their friends and getting good advice as well. When I was in my late twenties I joined the Marine Corps officer candidate program and attended training in Quantico, VA. Brother, they beat me to a pulp on a daily basis. You never got to succeed at anything and you begin to think "failure" was you're middle name! One day, while on a 12 mile run, I stopped at about the 2/3's point and started to rub my shins to alleviate the aching pain. I had shin splints something fierce! One of the Drill Instructor's stopped to see why I had stopped said, "What;s wrong with you dummy?" I said, "Sir: My legs hurt really bad - Is there something I can do for them?" He replied, Yeah stupid... You can quit!" Well, he might as well lit a fire under me because I was not going home bald and a failure too. I right then and there decided there was nothing they could do to me that would make me quit; ever! Quitting is easy. Following your dreams builds character my friend.

A quote from Master Gunnery Sargent Bearup (A-1 Class of 82')- "In life there are Pretender's and Contender's - Which are you?"