So much of what you’ve said resonates with me. My husband has had issues for a long time that he has refused to get help with. He can be argumentative and aggressive, and I just discovered he has been unfaithful for a year and a half. It has completely broken me. The infidelity caused me to leave and begin divorce proceedings. Like you, I’m feeling the overwhelming anxiety and depression of having my life totally upended. I know you have not made that decision yet, but I can tell you I’m almost glad that the decision was made for me. It is gut-wrenching, but I know the only way to go from here is up. The fact that yours said that if marriage counseling is brought up, the relationship is over says a lot about him. The fact that he shifts blame to you (something my husband also did) also says A LOT. When we are married to emotionally ill people, they suck us into their sickness. I pray that you make whatever decision allows you to be happy and healthy.