Yesterday, out of the blue, I got a group phone text message that a dear cousin of mine died. This group text was sent by one brother who has taken it upon himself to be the family spokesperson regarding deaths in the family. (He is not the oldest brother.) I was very upset. I hadn't known this cousin was ill because he kept it a secret from all but his immediate family.

Before using group texts this same brother would send death notifications by group email. This was so silly as at one point the "group" consisted of one other brother and myself! He sent a group email to two siblings!

At that time I told him I would prefer a phone call, but if for some reason that was beyond him, I would prefer to not be part of a group email. I mean just send me an email, for goodness sake!

Now he has graduated from group emails to group texts...and I cannot tell who is part of the group. I was really angry. I texted him back to remove me from all group texts (which might only include three siblings!) and call me in the event of a death of a family member. Then I said...NEVER MIND...because when a family member passes on my oldest brother always calls me so we can talk about the person, share memories etc.

This brother who designated himself the family spokesperson has been doing this for years. He went through most all the Aunts and Uncles, and now he's starting in with the cousins. I might add that he has never called me personally my entire adult life. Recently when I confronted him about this he said, "I have no interest in family beyond my wife and kids."

Okay...but then why get in touch with me by text to tell me who died and your feelings about them???

I went on Facebook and messaged my other cousins. This is usually how the extended family passes on condolences. (My brother who sends the group texts never goes on Facebook.)

I was very fond of this cousin...and he was relatively young, as well,and it sounded like he suffered a lot...so I have been upset to hear this news. I left a phone message for my oldest brother to give me a call so we can talk and share memories. I know he will call. He always returns my calls.

But do you think it is appropriate to be informed of the passing of family members such as first cousins, by group text???

I guess this one brother designated himself because he lives in the area of the country with most of the family. I don't care. Since the ONLY time I hear from him is when someone has died...I would rather take away this self-appointed role he has held onto for years.


I think Facebook is probably the more appropriate venue...if one is going to use social media for such announcements. What do you think? Of course, best is phone calls, I think. But maybe next best if Facebook? Because then family can post pictures? (My extended family seems to have an endless supply of vintage family photos, which is cool!)