OMG! I can't believe this traumatic event popped up. So now I have to tell the story. So my father died. My brother immediately called everyone but me. He told my brother who at the time was an active alcoholic...to call me and tell me my father died. The alcoholic brother immediately went on a "bender" and forgot he was supposed to call me. He called me five days later...but of course by then I already knew. I didn't talk to him for years. (He finally got sober.)

And yes, I missed the funeral. Because by the time I found out it was too late to book a flight and get there in time for the funeral.

So this was the same "in charge" brother who did this to me and when I found out I went insane. I mean he called all the siblings...why didn't he just dial my number? And why did he give the task to our KNOWN alcoholic brother? He never had a proper explanation and got angry at me for being upset. Crazy stuff.

At the time my 20+ year marriage was breaking up. That I had to miss my father's funeral because no one called me...was...well...traumatic. Really traumatic. I cried for days and days.

I think, now, these things are still connected.

My best friend at the time (the one who dumped me after decades just this past month)...lived in that town. She called me and said, "I will go to the funeral and I will be your eyes. I will tell you everything...how it looked...who was there...how your father looked in the coffin etc." and she did. This was long before smartphones but she called me and gave me an audio/virtual tour of the funeral describing everything in detail. I will never forget her kindness.