I'm sitting here in the morning and wanted to write. I have a lot of anxiety in the morning. Have had now for a couple of months. It's so hard to get through. Heart palpitations and racing thoughts, ruminations. At this point I'm often without much hope. I don't know when it stops again. I'm taking Oxapax once a day to deal with it - it doesn't help that much. Maybe a higher dose? It's very addictive so I have to be careful.

I know it all have to do with my uncertainty in life. Having to move to a new city, no job, not a lot of support besides from family. It's a daily struggle for me. Many times I don't think I can make it. Don't see any hope for me. It's too much of a burden and I've spent all my energy.

The evenings are usually better. Anyone have this? My mind and body relaxes more. I look forward to it every day. What a life, eh? At least I'm still here. Clinging on.

I have a doctor's appointment in a few hours. I will update you on how it all goes.

I'm happy I can write here - depression makes you feel SO alone. You can't imagine anyone else going through it as bad as you. But there are of course. I'm just grateful you listen to me. I've been going through a lot these last years and you've comforted me so many times when I've been so alone without hope.