I spoke with a worker from my local SARC.

I never admitted what happened was rape until the worker said it was.

I feel like I was fooling myself that nothing really happened as long I don't admit it to myself and that I can move on.

I suppose it just doesn't work like that.

I still feel deeply disgusted about myself. I feel like I betrayed my partner, and also I would never consent to have sex with a man, I am lesbian, and it makes me hate myself so much.