Before I start, please don't judge me. It took me a lot of courage to talk about this and i'm really hopeless.

I don't know HOW and WHY it started and I'm really not trying to defend myself or find any excuse but I was kind of raped myself when I was younger by an older friend and since I can't find any explanation on what pushed me to do such a thing to my brother I can only think of that. Maybe I was really frustrated???

THE BIGGER PROBLEM NOW is that I feel like my brother has psychological problems. He doesn't want us to talk about love or marriage etc in front of him, when there's a kiss scene on tv he starts yelling at us to shut it down, he's always shy when we talk about that stuff and doesn't want to hear about it. He is now 14 and I keep telling myself he's gonna change but I feel more and more hopeless everyday. (He was always kissing us and hugging us and talking about love and stuff when he was younger)

I don't want this to sound weird but last week, I caught him masturbating and I was so happy to know that he wasn't having sexual issues at least..

I really don't know what to think.. I didn't mean to do such a thing to him.. When it happened he didn't push me away and thought i was actually asleep.. I was young and frustrated, I dont know why I did that, I didn't mean to do that, I don't know if it's called rape but I regret so much especially seeing how it's affecting my little brother. I don't know if he has these reactions when talking about love etc in front of his friends too but PLEASE PLEASE someone help me or tell me if I can do anything to stop this PLEASE!!!