Totally unrelated to my depression (or maybe not so much):

The five year anniversary of my husband’s death is next week. For the first year I was absolutely devastated. Then that slowly morphed into anger, then absolute hate. I truly thought I’d never be able to love again, and I was a stone hearted ***** because of him. The hate slowly abated in 2017, after I met my ex boyfriend. I realized I could feel happy feelings with another man. And though I never loved this boyfriend, it gave me hope that I could love again.

Went through a few creeps, then I found the love is been looking for and indeed never thought I’d feel again with RS. We are so happy together. I have slowly realized how toxic my husband was. And though that tore me up for awhile, I’ve also come to recognize the good parts of our relationship, of which there were many. Yeah, maybe he had an anger problem and was emotionally manipulative, but he really did love me and my son. And I loved him too. I’ve just been angry with him for a very long time for using drugs which ultimately killed him and lying to me for years.

My point in saying all this is that I actually felt a pang of missing him a couple of weeks ago. I haven’t felt that for him in years. I’ve been too angry. So I think, I THINK that after five long years, I am finally starting to forgive him. It’s still going to be a long time before I can fully forgive him for the drug use and the lying but for once, I actually think I can get there. And that’s a good feeling to have.

I am sorry for the deviation from the normal point of this thread....I just felt like I had to tell someone and you guys know me best.