Thanks all for your support and hugs. I went to sleep early and just woke up with heartburn! How ironic but not coincidental. I do believe the body holds the score always.

Sky said: </font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
but the feeling must be the same as dissociated into parts?

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> Yes, that is exactly it! I do understand the dissociation was a coping mechanism but this work of integration is excruciating. The bathroom key is the key to the ladies room at T's. I inadvertently left it in my jacket pocket and then told him it would be my transitional object while he was away.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Is the psychiatric eval simply to determine if you need hospitalization?

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> He said he wants my "suicidality" evaluated.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>

I think he wants you to see a new pdoc because he is worried about you.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> Sunny, yeah, I think you are right.

Kiya, I like the idea of using the key to my benefit. Thanks!

You all are such good friends and it made me smile to wake up and see all of these hugs.

T IS worried about me and of course his worry, worries me! Maybe I don't worry about me enough. The reason he wants me to see a new pdoc is becuase this new guy is right in his building and is a friend of his so it's easy for him to talk to this guy. I do like my other pdoc quite a bit and respect him. But I have been less than honest with him about all of the aspects of my depression. I know . I know. But, I can tell T things that I can't tell anyone else in the world. It's just the way it is right now. I just wish I could even out my emotions a bit as the road feels full of potholes today.