This might be dumb of me but I kind of want to relapse and SH just to get the relapse out of the way. So many people in my life are proud of me or happy for me and it's putting so much stress on me that I kind of want to release that stress just by getting the relapse out of the way. I know that's dumb. I feel dumb even saying it. I just, IDK, feel too much pressure trying to not SH. This is how I was feeling before I was hospitalized!!! EEEK! So scared.