Quote:
Originally Posted by TishaBuv
I suppose every family has its dynamics.
I think the only acceptable thing my cousin wanted for us to have done was to attend the funeral for the few of us who lived close, and to mail cards for the ones who live far. Keep in mind though, this cousin has been consistently obnoxious to my mom over the years, and the way we heard about the death was an insulting way to my mom. My cousin’s son contacted my aunt’s daughter, who told my aunt, who told my mother and who emailed me and my sisters. It was very insulting that my mother, the older cousin (they were all very close at times), the one who lives close enough to attend the funeral, was not contacted at all by the family. Then when she leaves a facebook post, they saw it but deemed it not good enough.
If you are feeling doubts about your facebook post, you could mail a card, too- the old school way. 
People are all strange. I don’t know what to make of them. If we all were polite, the world would be a nicer place.
You not getting told of your father’s death and missing th funeral WAS traumatic! I’m so sorry that happened to you.  |
After hearing your stories I actually don't know what to think. Perhaps one reason for so much confusion around death is that we don't have a culturally set way of dealing with death.
In the old days set rituals helped us. I remember, as a child, when my Irish Nana died...how organized everything was. Hers was a family fraught with emotional complications...but everyone got organized...everyone trudged off to the wake...then trudged off to the funeral...then ended up at some local tavern, where I recall there was a lot of laughter and drinking and singing of beautiful Irish ballads. There was a script to follow and everyone followed it.
Unfortunately we don't have that now and it probably leads to confusion and hurt feelings.
Yes, last night I felt completely haunted by that memory of my brother not calling me after our father died. I wanted to immediately call him up and confront him. But today...sigh...I feel it isn't worth it. Why should I get all worked up over someone else's weakness and failings? Better just to move on.