Once I get discharged from the case manager, that will be that, I won't get to go back to her, but I'm trying to be okay with that because I've learned the tools she gave me and I'm practicing them and I can't stay in the same place forever. I gotta grow and learn and be okay.

That's a good point about people being happy for me. I think it's because a lot of people are telling me I can't do X and I need to go 1 or 2 years without doing X and it feels like my performance is tied to their expressions of happiness or being proud of me. But that is a man-made expectation. I've been telling myself (because I am rather religious) to look at what God would say. I think He would look at my heart and not my performance or behavior, and I think He would accept me either way. I think I am putting unrealistic expectations on myself based on what other people are telling me to do or not to do regarding X.


I just need to chill and go with the flow. I'll probably take another xanax when I go home from work, I don't want to take it now because it is too close to driving time for me. And I can take up to four in a day so I won't be exceeding that. Maybe if it is nice out, I don't even know, my Dad and I can go for a walk or something which would help the anxiety. I've been rocking back and forth like a nut for hours and when I'm not rocking I'm shaking my leg like super fast so much anxious energy inside me. I need to chill. Just chill.