Saw my pdoc today. He is going to chat to some clinical friends of his to try to sort out a benzodiazepine taper schedule that I can manage without bad withdrawals like I have had. Until then I am staying on 3 mg a day. Otherwise all is well. My moods have been stable for ages now. As has my PTSD. Fibromyalgia is still bad but I have more energy since I got the withdrawals under control. I have been able to get back into reading, and have also made it to the beach to sit and watch the surfers. It is so soothing. I am so happy to be able to get out of my flat again but I am going to have to be careful I don't go too hard and start another flare-up. I am still lonely though.

My 'friends' who live in my city don't return my messages. The only real friends I have who contact me live interstate or in the U.K. Luckily I have great parents and a wonderful sister so I am not without company for too many days at a time. Things with my 'partner' are complex. He is suffering from trauma and Bipolar and wants to be alone a lot. He doesn't have a car so can't come to me and I have been too exhausted to go to him much in the last two months. He also 'borrows' money that I never see again and when he does stay over eats all my food without offering to help. We are both broke. It is his big character flaw. He is wonderful in other ways but often I feel used. It is impossible to talk to him about it as he goes straight to intense defence. So, I just let it slide and try not to give him money I can't afford to lose. If he were grateful I would be happy to give, but he seems to expect me to help him out with money. We get the same payment from the government and he pays less in rent. He is just useless with budgeting.