Given what happened and how you feel, I think you would feel better about yourself if you stood firmer on this issue. That you haven't been firmer tells me you aren't valuing yourself the way you should. What about walking away from the relationship unless you partner breaks all contact with the person they cheated with? Don't feel bad about insisting on this! Don't settle for this. Your feelings are very valid. They may always have feelings for them and we can love more than one person but we need to put our partners first in action and deed. When your partner spends time with this other person, he/she is feeding the flame. If they love you best then when you walk away, they will give up the other person to have you. If not, then they don't love you the way he/she should. Do you think they are with you because they love you? It seems valid to question if they love you at all. Perhaps they are staying for other reasons. What do all their actions over the long run say about how they value you? How often do they put you first or make compromises to please you? IMO our feelings give us valid messages that something is wrong then we have to evaluate the situation based on other people's actions over the long haul. I do believe partners can make mistakes and feelings about people can go up and down but are they working with you? If they dismiss your feelings about this--that is a bad sign. Perhaps people who have affairs are angry at their partner, don't love them, are selfish, maybe there are many other reasons--are you still talking about it? Why do you think they did it? (You don't have to say here but you need to understand it.) If you are staying with someone who doesn't love you as much as you love them, things are going to continue to happen that will hurt. Divine is right--they could just lie. You can't change them. How firm was your insistence that they stop talking to this person? IMO other people will not respect us and will run over us if we do not stand up for ourselves. Why did they need to make amends with the person they had an affair with?