Thanks! I feel bad for writing this thread, regardless. There's so much I don't understand and it would be nice to hear her side of the story! But she won't reply to my emails, at all. I know for certain she has a big heart, the biggest heart I've ever seen. She was spending 4 hours of her time at home for me! But at the same time it seems there was something that started to bother her. Maybe that's the problem with a therapist-client relationship. It probably isn't supposed to be a discussion about the therapist. So maybe she could never tell me what's wrong, and that just caused an avalanche of problems. In one of the last phone conversations with her she said I lied to her. I don't remember that. So in a way I did lie when I told her that I would never email her again unless she asked me a question. Because she was really getting upset with me about sending her non-appointment emails. But I was dealing with serious zoloft issues that was causing me to be suicidal, so I felt it necessary to email her, which just made things worse, and the even more need to email her. She made me feel bad by saying I lied to her, and I got the strong impression she thinks I lied about a lot of things. That's not true. Out of desperation in email I offered to take any lie detector test she wanted and I would pay, and the offer is good forever.