I think perhaps it could be worth considering holding compassion for the fear your T is experiencing at this time. It is not personal or a choice she makes to harm her clients. It is a choice she makes from a fear based protective perspective. Human to human, amd especially a human who understands fear, you can respect that even if it is incongruent with her selected profession.

Yes. I truly do have compassion for her. I guess one of the issues I have is that while my mom had a mental illness (that she never had treated), she was also quite physically ill with cardiac problems. I had to care for her, starting at age 8 when my dad divorced her. I loved my mom very much. Yet I face the fact that she always, without exception, demanded that her needs be first. I'm a people pleaser; I automatically found myself taking care of my therapist, putting her before my needs. Then came home a mess.

Is that the healthiest perspective to adopt? No. Is it a good example for her clients? No. However, I think it is clear it is less about you and more about her. Maybe you could feel less abandoned of you viewed it as her attempt to hold herself together and less as an attempt to destabilize and abandon you. I imagine she wants what is best for you, but the fear clouds her judgment. You have every right to be disappointed, but try not to take it personally. You're great and you deserve the level of service that is right for you.

I am sure she feels very sorry for not being able to meet in person. And who knows...maybe if we have a vaccine by early 2021 things could at least somewhat return to normal. It's this awful "not knowing" that I think is hitting all of us.

Sometimes change can bring a wealth of positive experiences your way. If you need to do trauma work, maybe it is time to seek a new therapist that is willing to meet in person and offers you more education and knowledge around the purpose and specific goals for your time together. 'Trauma work' is like saying 'eating healthy'. It means something different to everyone and it is a wide subject. It is imperative to know what your specific service provider means and what they are attempting to offer you in terms of strategy and value. It is important to know what kind of work and effort they expect from you in return. It is important to educate them on what trauma means to you and what you need assistance in healing.

I like your analogy...like "eating healthy."

Why hide the fact you see demons from your pdoc? Maybe this is wrong, but I feel that is precisely the kind of information she needs to assist you.

Ugggh...I agree! I felt afraid to tell her, lost my courage. And I'm usually up-front. Seems I've lost my courage this month.

I think it is cool you gave the video appointment a chance. I know it isn't preferable, but you're open to change as needed and that is valuable and commendable. Nice job!
Thank you! I came a long way with the video stuff. I felt pleased with myself
Thank you, fleurs, for your help