My Support Forums - View Single Post

sarahsweets · May 22, 2020, 03:44 AM

I am an alcoholic in recovery with 8 years of sobriety and I use AA and have also been through the steps and had to make amends. I am coming up on 25 years of marriage, and I am 45 years old. I never cheated on my husband. I never put myself in a position to be available to other men for cheating even while drinking. People may disagree but I think the emotional piece is worse than cheating physically. At least with sex you can consider the physical temptation or maybe even chalk it up to inebriated bad decisions but the emotional piece is the deal breaker. I would not be able to recover from that. Being in AA has its ups and downs and I am not a die hard AA person who thinks AA solves everything or that its the only way to stop drinking and be sober. Making amends is a huge undertaking and not a one off type of thing. Its a daily thing once you get past the formality of admitting your wrongs and flaws- the other piece of it is "living amends."

Quote:

What are Living Amends?

Living amends are simple in concept: making a living amends means living a completely new lifestyle and being committed to that lifestyle (in part for those who you harmed and in part for yourself). Living amends mean making genuine changes, that our behaviors and actions be true and honest and follow an emotionally sober path. Instead of making apologies only to go and repeat old behaviors and re-open wounds over and over, we commit to living clean, sober, honest lives. These are some of the best amends we can make, because they mean that we are promising to never go back to the old ways that hurt those we harmed in the first place.

So no, he is not doing it right or living the steps. He is just making excuses and saying the words with no "meat" to back it up.