So, T knows I am struggling with finances and it has always been a worry of his. IMO my household income should allow for it if H and I communicated better and set budgets etc. but H won’t. So I totally understand T not flexing on his fee. He clearly states he does not do a sliding scale. Those that do have a sliding scale would only offer a minimal discount if any based on our income so that is a mute issue for me. T does provide the paperwork to file out of network with H insurance but again, H has issues with that. So, again I do feel as though I can be upset with T when clearly there are things I *should* be able to do to afford to see him.
T has pretty strongly suggested going to every other week seeing as with the stressors of the pandemic he is only being supportive he doesn’t feel as though he is truly providing therapy (processing work for CPTSD). Pdoc thinks I should be seeing T a minimum of 2x/wk because of my level of trauma. The effects of the pandemic are super triggering as they mimic a lot of the neglect I experienced as a child. T is also, literally, the only person I talk to besides H because I don’t like phones/video chat... so I see him as more essential than ever right now.
I am processing a lot throughout the week but haven’t been sharing much with T because sessions are awkward in person, 6ft apart with masks on and Clorox wipes everywhere.
If I went to every other week I am afraid I would email him more, essentially taking up as much, if not more of his time without paying him for it. Then I feel guilty and ashamed of taking advantage of him... so If I went to every other week I wouldn’t allow myself to email more than twice which is my norm now. Again, in the big picture of my mental health I am not sure that is smart either. But if I run out of money now will I be able to do the trauma work later when things return to normal or will I not be financially able.
Yes, T and I are discussing this... most of the past two sessions were spent here, just looking for others thoughts.
__________________
There’s been many a crooked path
that has landed me here
Tired, broken and wearing rags
Wild eyed with fear
-Blackmoores Night
|