T also does not see what he is currently doing with me as therapy or trauma work. From around 5th-9th grade I was severely neglected in ways that are completely triggered by the pandemic and the stay at home orders. We were just starting to figure out how to safely process that time in my life so it is not on my timeline with T and we haven’t really talked about it. Unfortunately I have also reverted back to handling the stress the same ways I did at that age... which was to hide it REALLY well. So T honestly does not have an accurate picture of how I am doing, he has no clue that I am basically totally reenacting that abuse... and I have not yet found a safe way of explaining it to him. Our “rule” is that my anxiety over disclosure is not to go over a 5 on a scale of 1-10. If I were to “just tell him” I would disintegrate to a level where I would likely need hospitalization (aka a 15 on that 1-10 scale). I have tried hinting at what I can with out overloading my stability but he isnt getting it and with me just hinting it isn’t fair to expect him to... it isn’t like it is normal types of abuse that one could just guess. Aaaaand... the “part” of me that is developmentally stuck there we call “13”. H HATES 13 and has made it completely clear she is not welcome in his home, he didn’t marry no 13 year old and he isn’t dealing with “her” BS. So... I have to know I can 100% contain between sessions.