I don't have any advice for you, but just wanted you to know I understand. My brother is mentally ill. He has severe OCD and is unable to take care of himself, so he lives with my parents, who are not young. He does have a diagnosis and takes meds, but he won't do therapy, which is important for OCD. He also has rages. He has punched holes in the walls. Luckily I live far away, but it's not easy when I go back for Christmas and have to be around him. I'm sorry you're going through this too.