I got married when I was 20, I am 45 now so in september we will have 25 years of marriage. Neither of us even understood the implications of porn. In the early days we sometimes looked at porn together, me thinking it was ok if it was the both of us. Neither of us really liked it we were just under the assumption that its what couples do. We had a conversation about a year into our marriage and as it turns out he felt uncomfortable about it and so did I! We were just too young and inexperienced to realize that society shouldnt dictate how we expressed our love for one another through sex. He told me he felt guilty and I told him I felt guilty so we never watched it again. He told me he loved me, and that his fantasies were about me. He is a good man. He was the one who told me that it was all fake and that he almost felt unfaithful watching even though we were doing it together. I told him I felt guilty because it bothered me but I never said anything and he said he never said anything because he thought I wanted it. We were so silly. We are best friends so I have no idea how we got our wires crossed regarding porn. I sort of grew up assuming its what guys did or what couples did to keep the spark alive. Thing is we were newly weds, our spark was fine. This was roughly 23 years ago and when we both let our feelings out we laughed because neither of us thought it was right we just thought it was normal.
I know he doesnt look at porn on his own. I have never had any reason to check up on him but if I needed to use his phone or laptop for something he didnt act scared or weird, he just lets me. I feel if he was watching porn behind my back he would have been against me using his stuff and he wasnt at all.
Years later we had a chat about it and he said he didnt believe its right because i deserve respect- I agreed to the same. I would be really hurt if I found out he was looking at porn. In society a lot of young men are taught that porn is normal and has nothing to do with their partners. I think thats a crock. I suppose if both parties agree and do it whenever maybe its not an issue but I find that hard to believe. Why would I want too feel inferior because I dont have hug boobs, perfect hair and makeup and a perfect body? It is not a "right of passage".
I watched a piece on teen boys who watched porn and how it made emotional and physical intimacy difficult because they were sort of desensitized to normal love making. I believe it is true. At this point in the game I would be so upset. We were both upset when we were young but didnt talk about it. Thank god we did or maybe we wouldnt have made it 25 years.