I’m going off haldol again. It’s raised my prolactin already. It’s making me jittery and restless and I have tremors. Plus my jaw is spasming worse. I’m biting my tongue all the time and it hurts. My main issue is that I won’t be able to lose weight because of the prolactin. I’m sick of being fat because of meds. I don’t even care if it’s just ten pounds, at least I’ll be able to comfortably fit into my clothes from last summer that way.

If I NEED an AP, I’m going to try geodon again. I tried it many years ago but got taken off of it because it wasn’t helping my mixed state. I think now that I’m mostly stable again and now that I have depakote on board I should be fine. I just don’t care, I am NOT taking haldol anymore.

I went to my Nana’s funeral yesterday and burst into tears because I missed my husband so much. I was crying in the morning too. RS is taking me to the cemetery tomorrow to visit him. I can’t believe it’s been five years. This is the first time I’ve missed him in ages. I never thought I could get to a point where I would forgive him for everything he did to me. But I do. I don’t want him back, per se, but I wish he could see how well me and my son are doing. He will always be my first love.