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Originally Posted by mote.of.soul
Hmm, very interesting, YMIHere.
I'm just going to be honest with you. If you go and live with him, just so he can come home to you and have sex, it won't take long before you find yourself completely emotionally neglected. The guy, going by what you described here is only wanting his own needs met and I don't believe you'll be happy in that situation after about 2 weeks. He can't even say an ordinary nice thing to you by text or internet, so he'll be even worse in real life, ha!!
I do hope I'm wrong, though, as everyone deserves a happy relationship - if that's what they're looking for.
Anyway, thanks for sharing. Maybe someone else here may have a more positive thing to say, than me.
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He can't say anything NORMAL lol. He does say nice things lol. I'm trying to think of a movie or TV character that he resembles so that people could understand his off-kilter sense of humor. It's DARK, let's put it that way. To be honest, if he was full of fluff I'd trust him LESS because I would definitely feel like he's up to something. I listen to the crazy **** he says to me and I think, "He's hot, smart and hilarious and somehow he's single..." and then I realize he is most definitely NOT everyone's cup of tea. For what it's worth I tell one of my best friends some of the crazy **** he's said to me and she's like, "DAMN HE'S GOT YOUR NUMBER!!!" AND she's happy that I found someone who seems so well suited to my personality.
It's really like his bark is worst than his bite. There is no bark and there is no bite. Just jokes which is the way to my heart. When he asked me what airport is closest to me I told him there are 2 and which one I prefer. He said something like "*****, WHEN I WANT YOUR OPINION I'LL ASK YOU FOR IT! (oh, so you prefer Providence?)" You have to hear that in your head like The Man Song lol. You ever heard that song?
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Originally Posted by IceCreamKid
Here is my positive thing to say. Start thinking of yourself as a capable, attractive prize of a person, and start treating yourself accordingly. If you want to 'fix' someone, 'fix' yourself. Learn a new skill, develop a new hobby, and make it your mission to start associating with positive, mentally and physically healthy people who know how to take care of themselves and how to treat others well.
I can relate because when I was younger, I bought into the idea of a man with potential. <snort> I now know that I 'sold myself short' and I deserved better. COVID will end. Take this time to develop yourself. Please do not tie yourself to a person who is not willing to do the hard work to become a fully functioning grown up.
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I'm pursuing my Masters so I'm doing the learning and all that stuff and I have a mission that I'm intending to work on.
I wouldn't say he's not willing to do the work. I can see how you all would think that but that's only because I put a fraction of our conversations AND I put the bits that were most amusing to me. My perspective of it is this - and my life's mission that I'm working on has to do with uplifting and empowering people who didn't really get the best first shot at life, you know?
Everyone has strengths and weaknesses. For him, paperwork is a weakness. Dealing with paperwork is not his thing. Helping his organization run like a top, is. Working crazy hours to make that happen, is. Me? I've been primarily an administrative professional. You want me to handle that and I can handle that. Piece of cake.
Also, despite what I wrote and how it has been interpreted by people here, you're talking about getting with people who are mentally and physically positive - he's up there in my eyes. Got some trust issues and is lonely and ready to hop back in the saddle after feeling like he was chewed up and spit out.
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Originally Posted by divine1966
In addition if you have to beg a man to see you, it’s never going to work. If a man wants to see you he will no matter what. He’d drive a rental car.
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And this is why I told him to call me when he was ready to do something, but once he told me his feelings on the subject, it really was this coming clean sort of thing and I believe him. I'm not going to minimize and say that the anxiety that he felt about that sort of loss of control wasn't real. I know about ONE SMALL THING suddenly throwing the whole world off it's axis. I can understand feeling like, "Let me get this one thing under control before I take anything else on." I'm pretty sure a lot of people here can relate to that. I was really pissed before he came clean, but I believe him and I think it was brave of him to tell me that.
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Originally Posted by Molinit
I'm not sure why you have chosen a life coach instead, but you would benefit more from a therapist. If you are paying for life coaching, then you will probably pay less to see a therapist also.
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Therapists under my insurance around here SUCK. Life coach is awesome and also my sister's friend who needs to do hours for her CCE. We're sort of taking it out in trade as I'm a trained CPS facilitator and I'm helping her with some of her own things that she needs to handle using my tools.
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Originally Posted by MsLady
Great advice in this thread. I bolded what I felt was the obvious.
You don't know him at all and he's feeding you stories to get what he wants. He's also analyzing you so be careful. He sees your "weaknesses" and will mold you like clay.
I believe you when you say you're lying to yourself. You definitely are with this guy. How he's treating you is not "LMAO", in my opinion. We all want to feel sexy and be desired, and so he's playing this card. I don't believe his desires have anything to do with you, personally, and he'll tire of you very quickly. This is all a game. He's manipulating. Don't fall into the trap.
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This is probably the most useful response so far because it is true that he's analyzing. Just today we were having a discussion about when he was in sales. How he would read people to know how to approach them and so manipulation is a possibility. I'm the type to generally see the good in people...that's not true. I can just as easily find faults.
I know that using his secretary sex doll thing makes him seem like an asshole user. I used it as a reference as to how challenging it has been navigating communication with this man, but to be honest, it's not like I"m looking to change it. He has a twisted sense of humor. Today, I told him that I gave him a custom ring tone. He said he gave me one too, "your ringtone is the sound rabbits make in the slaughterhouse." That would offend most and yet cracks me up. So did him telling me where we were going to meet (this isn't where we met lol).
But I am definitely all doe-eyed and MAYBE, just MAYBE keeping my guard up a little and realizing that not everyone is honest, is something for me to take under consideration. My gut tells me he's sincere, but I have been fooled before so thank you.