Hi Coffeebooksrain, welcome to Psych Central. I am sorry you were caught totally off guard and discovered your husband was doing things you had no idea he was doing.

Unfortunately, there are people that can have a very dark side to them and yet can present as a person that can be trusted and seems good. They can get really good at being deceptive. They can be a family member, a work collegue, a friend we thought we could trust and a spouse we thought we could love and feel safe with.

I have had people completely shock me and traumatize me as well, so I can understand how you are struggling with this sudden reality. Please know this is not your fault, it can happen to anyone and it really does take time to learn how to move forward despite experiencing such a shock like this.