Odd topic, I know, since everyone seems to do it anymore, but I need some tips so I can express myself only the way I desire,.

Profanity has always met me with mixed reviews. I grew up in an environment that discouraged me from swearing, and both parents stopped it when I was born but have since reintroduced more mild “4-letter words”. And of course there was the bad language that most older teens indulge in. Except for the occasional guilt over something I said or the sick feeling after an f-bomb or religious profanity I largely condoned the behavior.

Now for the part of my life (college and beyond) when I became obsessed with following the crowd to seek approval and fit in. After a period of occasional mild language I stopped swearing completely since I was with a hyper-conservative religious group in college that didn’t tolerate it. After leaving this group upon discovering its effects on my mental health, I cared a bit less about my use of words like before this mess. Then following a summer intern, which was even worse about lack of diversity in personalities and hobbies than the sect I was involved with, frequent and abrasive language became part of my repertoire. What began as a shoddy attempt at sounding like my coworkers turned me into the typical offensive college student for a few years.

Then when I finished up college and came home, I knew I had to do something about my language, as I had some best friends at home who didn’t cuss at all, and my father, even with the fair amount of swearing he does, chastised my habit because of the negative vibe that I gave with each curse bomb. I took this to heart; he was right that most of my swearing came from an angry heart, battered by years of people pleasing for the shallow types. But at the same time, I feel like I’ve been lied to. The same person who corrected my behavior also swears with some regularity, even using stronger words in annoyance over the behavior of our pets, and sometimes dropping religious exclamations/profanity, something I hate even when I swore like a sailor. Now that I’ve realized the inappropriateness of my gratuitous language, especially with my friends who don’t cuss, I’ve once again re-sensitized to coarse words. I know I’m not perfect, as I’ve gone through the loose lips stage at some point. But after a couple of unsuccessful attempts to set boundaries with what my mother and I are comfortable hearing often turning ugly, I’m all the more resentful towards people like my dad, as such a behavior is a harsh reminder that I should either be like everybody else, or shut the front door (comic relief - !).

What do y’all think? Is there anybody else besides me who doesn’t tolerate profanity well (movies, music, everyday life)? Or am I just here to suffer alone because I can’t express myself/live my life the way I want to?