@TishaBuv, you brought up a good point, which is we do have some big issues at play.

So here is where I am at today:

I am navigating my way through my feelings towards him, and my feelings about each of these issues. The questions I have right now are: can each of these issues be improved upon and controlled? He can certainly control his anger, and that will be up to him to determine. He can also control how he responds to my dieting needs and my wishes around foods we eat, which has been better today. And he can have sex with me more frequently, which is what I asked of him. All of these things can be improved upon. In the meantime, I am trying to figure out how I feel about him in general. Some days I feel I truly love him still, and on other days, I feel like it's waning.

I am also grappling with my own idealistic way of thinking that everything needs to be perfect, when life itself is not perfect. I recall @divine1966 telling me/us that her own wedding was far from perfect. But mine was far from perfect because of HIM and how he was treating me, not because of circumstances, which is far different.

I went into this marriage with doubts and thought I was making a mistake, after we had just had a HUGE blowout fight only days before the wedding. I didn't want to back out last minute for a number of reasons that were very valid to me at the time, and still are very valid in my mind.

But that is no way to start out in a marriage: with doubts. I know many people may have doubts, but perhaps not about how you're going to be treated in the marriage and relationship.

So I am sitting with my feelings. I am not going to make any rash decisions... I am muddling through to see how I feel in general and to see if things improve at all. It's difficult to walk through each day though having these doubts floating around in my head.... the doubts being about whether things will improve or not and about how I feel.

This is not easy.

Next weekend I will visit with a somewhat new-ish girlfriend of mine who is far older, wiser and mature -- she is very lovely and a most beautiful person on the inside and outside. I love her spirit, I love her wisdom and I love everything about who she is. She married and divorced an abusive man, and has a lot of great bits of wisdom to share. She has been a great source of support for me over the last year. So we're going to hang out next weekend for the first time just the two of us. I'm really looking forward to being able to talk more with her about all that is going on. She helps to provide clarity for me, and supports me either way, if I decide to stay or leave.