Quote:
Originally Posted by Have Hope
I would get to the bottom of his credit issue and debt. You joke about him lying and spending the money on hookers and beer instead. I don't really get why a potential lie to you about his past would be funny, but maybe it's your sense of humor.
I had previously stated that I think two people should not be together in order to "save" or "fix" one another's issues. That is a dysfunctional relationship dynamic, it is a dependent relationship dynamic and it is not how it is supposed to work.
You had mentioned that he wants you to live with him to help motivate him in life. That is a red flag. THIS SCREAMS DEPENDENCY. He should be motivated in life all on his own.
He also wanted you to drive him to work everyday. Another red flag. DEPENDENCY. He should be able to drive himself to and from work and to be a self sufficient, independent adult.
He wanted you to move back to where he lives and to move in with him IMMEDIATELY, after meeting only ONCE? BIG RED FLAG. TOO much too soon!
All of this spells BIG trouble to me, in my opinion. But you seem to want to be with him very badly, and I think that we all have to learn for ourselves in life by doing and experiencing. We have to make mistakes and missteps in order to truly learn. But I think this guy would be a mistake for you in the end.
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He didn't joke about the hookers and beer. I did. I was being facetious since Divine said it should be a red flag that he doesn't know how to handle his money.
Did you miss the part where driving him to work every day was a joke? I explained that later in the thread and while I'm typing one response, people are responding at the same time and so I had previously missed a response or two and so maybe you missed the fact where I said that was a joke. It's not a dependency issue.
And nowhere did I say he wants me to move back IMMEDIATELY. He brought it up rather early - I can see THAT being a red flag for some, but he didn't say move in with me RIGHT NOW.
As far as the motivating him in life - is it bad to want someone to give you REASON to do what you do? When I had to go to a job I HATED every day, I did that because I needed that job to support my kid. HE was the motivation. So if having a woman around that you care about makes going into work more tolerable, that's a bad thing? I feel like you're all making it much more dysfunctional than it is.
I'll agree with your statement about saving and fixing. Totally agree. I have to do my work and he has to do his. But I happen to think he's helped me already by confronting me on things that I'm not paying attention to that I need to work on. I feel like he's acting like a therapist in that way. He makes an observation, I agree and he has offered solutions to change my behavior.
Before everyone puts a nefarious spin on that like he's trying to CONTROL me, the specific thing I'm talking about in this instance is the fact that I tend to talk over people sometimes. More likely when I haven't taken my Adderall, but I am that person who jumps in when you take a breath because you sparked something in my brain. He brought that to my attention that I'm talking over him. Or I'll ask a question, but then not exactly give him the opportunity to answer it before I go off on some tangent. Now, I'm being mindful to pause during the conversations.
Anyway, thanks to everyone for having my back.