I had psychiatric history since I was 16 and diagnosed with schizophrenia at age 18. The psychiatrist must have diagnosed me so he could put me on disability so I could afford the Abilify injection at the time. Either way, I'm doomed with psychosis forever maybe - Whether it be triggered by stress - Cuz I'll always be stressed especially after my bad trip.

The bad trip was a blessing and a complete curse - Like schizophrenia itself - If you put it in perspective that you have to live with it and deal with it, overcome it for the rest of your life and the effects are apart of who you are - Just like anything else.. You can deny it and not let it define you but everything defines everyone if you want to get really deep into the nature of reality.

I have such trippy thoughts all day every day that Idk if I should even be posting here cuz you guys can get shared psychotic disorder from me - Then you think of the fact that you already have psychosis and also that everyone else knows what I know at least a little bit cuz I was so philosophically reclusive and avoidant.

My mom has been getting on my nerves but now I feel bad. She makes me feel bad because she sulks. She has histrionic personality disorder. I've been around her all day every day and I've had enough. I need my time alone to recharge from her drama. I don't think it's bad to hate my mom sometimes because of her personality when I'm not independent - Especially when she's drinking she's even more annoying. I love my mom but there's only so much I can take.

I've been having a lot of physical problems that bother me such as;



I told my sister everything in a text. She's going to tell everyone but I had no choice - I was backed into a corner. I'm COVID crazy right now.