I never loved myself. Even as a child I felt conflicted about how I look. When I was between the age of 7 and 10 I would push my face ar certain place in hope of reforming it so that I would look beautiful.

Now that I am older I hate myself even more.
Yesterday I had an endoskopy where I needed to get half naked and I felt so ****ing uncomfortable. I nearly cried. I so desperatly wanted to put my clothes back on. When I was younger I also did not like to be naked around people.

Everything about me is ugly. Everyone else seems to have something that makes them beautiful but there is nothing beautiful about me. There is so much wrong with me.

I tried to be vulnerable around friends and tell them about me. I even told some of them that I am gay. But everytime I do something like that, they start to become colder.No one wants me. I will end up being left alone by everyone. I will die lonely in this disgusting **** piece of body.