I’ve come to a conclusion.

I started thinking about marriage and a wedding last night. I don’t think I’ll ever have the wedding I see in my mind. I see all my family there and they are all happy. But in reality I know that’s not possible. So why do I keep seeing that default image in my mind? Probably cuz that’s the typical wedding fantasy. But I need to stop daydreaming that.

I need to see the reality with my family and extended family. My mom thinks fiancé and I are losers. Doesn’t want to do much for us and definitely doesn’t like talking to me. I’m tired of trying to have a relationship with her. She doesn’t care much for one seems like and gets upset every time I call her. She doesn’t like fiancé I don’t think. Fiancé brought this up to me out of the blue and I wasn’t shocked but I was heart broken that he sees it. And apparently my mom has been rude to his mom before, when we were moving out of the last place.

My sister doesn’t talk to me much at all. Rarely. More rare than my mom. I never get to see pics of my nephew unless I ask but my mom is given pics all the time and she calls my mom all the time. Like once or twice a week. I haven’t talked to her in weeks. And when I did it was short. My sister, I mean.

I don’t think I’ll be inviting extended family to my wedding. It would be me basically trying to forge a relationship if I did so. If they haven’t tried before than forget it.

Only family that tries is my dad.

As far as friends, I’ve had too many people ghost me for god knows what. THEY ghosted me. Meaning they quit talking to me out of the blue and disappeared or blocked me on social media. I’ve never heard from them again or seen anything about them or etc, anything.

I gotta re-evaluate my marriage plans.