Hi Melbee,
What you are going through is the classical cycle of domestic violence. I think most of us in a domestic violence situation react by saying "oh, not me" and/or "he's not really like that."
The bottom line is that people that are not abusers do NOT abuse. Ever.
On the other hand, abusers and their victims go through a cycle: honeymoon phase - buildup phase-acute crisis phase; repeat.
We are all suckered in by how great they can be when we are in the honeymoon phase. Maybe they are loving, charming, great providers, great lovers, considerate. Everything you wish they would always be. And when they see that they finally have you in their grip again the buildup phase begins and ultimately the acute crisis abuse phase. It works on our brain like a drug.
Abusers do not change. They just escalate their abuse. They honeymoon phase might get longer, the better to convince you. But they will abuse someone again. Unless they seek intensive counseling.
I know as you read this you may not be believing me. I did not believe it either. If we believed we were victims of abuse, and would be forever, we would have left the first time they "play slapped us"
The saddest thing of all is that your children will either learn to be abusers or, worse yet, victims.
It will take work. And courage. But you must find a way to become strong enough to leave.
You don't deserve to live like this. Nobody does. It is not your fault. It will continue.