I don't love animals as much as my mom. She said if she won the lottery, she'd play piano for elephants, take care of koalas and tigers etc..

I have nothing wrong with people that are such free spirits. I wish I was one. I feel like I'll spend my whole life being analytical just to find out that all I needed to do was live - And reconnect with my spirit. That's what my doctor says.. He just wants me to have control to be happy with my medications and then just exercise, go to school, enjoy life, laugh, love, live. It's that simple.

But I'm like a philosopher. What puts me off about philosophy is that it's so ancient and people have written down philosophical ideas and died a long time ago. I feel that it's hard to idolize someone. The few people that I do have inspired me so much with art and inventions. I'm tired of talking about how aware I've become - But I have so much time left to go still. As I've said many times, I wish I became more mature a longer time ago.

I thought about becoming a biochemist. That would be really awesome.. Something like that..

To study animals wouldn't be what I'd want to do. I'd like to study plants and their chemical properties and how they relate to synthetic chemicals like their cellular mechanisms.

It's like I'm too out of touch with what life is really about. I only get it when I'm crying on ecstasy or laughing too hard, excited about something..

When people are excited and expect an emotional reaction out of me, I can't be excited with them.. Because it jinxes it.. I'm private and have a lot of inhibitions. I'm afraid when people don't realize that this is some sort of simulation. I'm nihilistic. I want other people to realize the optimism in that in order for me to have reassurance to be optimistic about it.

I'm a good person possessed by the devil.