Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdDancer
FluffyPuppy, welcome to PC's bipolar forum! What you describe that you've gone through sounds absolutely horrible! I admire that you are able to recognize fully what you've been through and question your diagnosis, if you feel it is incorrect. I assume you've discussed all of this with a therapist and/or psychiatrist? If you feel that they are not hearing you sufficiently, I hope you will consider getting second opinions. It is crucial that we receive the right treatment for the right mental health issues.
I can't say that my family blames my bipolar disorder for my behavior that justifiably falls within understandable and reasonable ranges. I do feel free to express myself. However, I don't have the familial abuse history that you state you have. Actually, when it comes to my bipolar behavior, my family is less likely to recognize some bipolar symptoms as abnormal. But you are definitely not alone in your experience. I have read posts from several other people who state what you mention about bipolar disorder blamed for normal range emotional expressions.
Since I do not know your family, I can't know what motivates them in what they say or do. But I can't help but think blaming bipolar disorder isn't just another means they use to restrict you in some way.
I don't know how old you are, but it may benefit you to step away from those abusive people. Free yourself. The steps to do that, literally or figuratively would be something to discuss with a therapist that seems to listen to you carefully.
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I have tried expressing these things throughout my life but part of my anxiety disorders makes talking in general hard. I have thought about using speak assistance tools because it is that difficult for me a lot of the time. I think i have lost a lot of faith in the mental health industry as a whole and with docs in general. I was actually just creating a list of all the medications i have been on through out my life because im filing for disability again.
I've been on over 20+ psych meds alone and the only ones that help with my multiple anxiety disorders alone is klonpin, ativan and my blood pressure medication. I have taken, anti depressants, antipsychotics, anti anxiety as well as off label, antihistamines and the beta blockers, herbal supplements.
Since i've had the bipolar label thrown on me i have even had psychiatrists be abusive towards me and my warranted frustration about things is chalked up as bipolar. Even if i become frustrated at a doctors opinion i am labeled bipolor.
I feel like i am forced not to be able to express how i feel because thats fuel to use against me to hurt or punish me with hospitalizations. it makes the whole hospitalization experience a lot worse for me when i feel its a tool for punishment when people refuse to understand my anxiety and frustration or want to acknowledge my trauma in my past. I feel that acknowledging my past would wipe the label off my slate because it gives validity to my emotions when others act like it never happened but in that would mean accountability of others and they're not willing.
I do have a woman I've been talking to in another state and she loves me dearly and says she wants to help and take me away. change is very hard for me, could be due to the anxietys or suspected autism spectrum. environmental changes are hard and lots of things scare me like loud noises sensitivity to lighting, people and i also have a hard time walking due to medical concerns. It can be very frustrating with so many things going on.