(I’m not sure how to hide things under trigger warnings yet, so please let me know if I should take this down!)
I’m 18 and have been SHing seriously since I was about 11/12, though before that I had a tendency to hit myself when angry. It’s been harder recently to contain my anger just like it was when I was little and have resorted to hitting myself in the head and punching my thigh instead of cutting. I get angry over little things that shouldn’t really bother me and would’ve been no big deal a year ago, and it’s getting harder to resist the urge to cut. I just relapsed with cutting an hour ago and just feel trapped and alone again. My therapist(s) don’t seem to acknowledge my concerns about mood and how i can get super angry really quickly and that I feel really happy then really sad (probably not bipolar, they both seem to agree that I don’t have it but I do have a family history of bipolar disorder.)
I had a compulsion to end my life while having an argument with a family member in the car. I feel like it’s getting out of control and I don’t know what I’m supposed to do - I’m starting Wellbutrin this week but I wasn’t able to tell the prescribing doc that I have been having thoughts of hurting myself because my mom was in the call with me (virtual appt due to the current virus situation).
This is kind of a lot but i don’t feel like I can talk to anyone about it, and my usual therapist is off for the week.