((guy111)), the truth is that there are people who simply do not know how to hear another person's feelings and comfort them. After a while a person like this literally shows you how they are happiest being the center of attention where THEIR emotional needs are their TRUE priority. They learn "petting" language which keeps others engaged in THEIR attention seeking and drama. Yes, you are right, emotional needy individuals don't really want to hear YOUR emotional needs, they are always MUCH HAPPIER when everything revolves around THEM, THEM, THEM. Petting language tends to come out like "aww you are so sweet, how thoughtful, thank you, thank you" and these little superficial ways of verbally petting as long as THEIR emotional needs are being pacified. That is what you have been sharing about your wife. And she is most likely doing this with these younger guys she engages with as well. And she likes younger guys because they tend to be niave where they don't know she is simply using them to gain her "ego fix or narcissistic feed". You have a history of being emotionally neglected, this makes you very susceptible to falling for someone who offers up superficial petting techniques. You were vulnerable to being drawn in to the "petting" techniques only to gradually begin to experience how your emotional needs are a burden and your true function is to focus on her emotional needs. Life is just wonderful as long as you stick to "her needs" and when YOU need, you learn how she doesn't want to sit with YOUR feelings AT ALL. You might get a oh poor you and a superficial hug, but that's about it. And yet, there can be times where your needs can create ANGER in her or even outright coldness and criticism.

Well, you can come across a well, a really attractive well that has a pretty little roof and a flower bed all around it too. Lots of people can remark on how attractive it is too. Yet, when you actually go to that well and lower the pretty little bucket because you are SO THIRSTY, that's when you discover there aint nothing in that well to satisfy your thirst. The ONLY thing you CAN do is fill that well with your own water. You can labor very hard, carrying buckets of water to try and make that well a REAL well too. Yet, you can never really get enough buckets of water in it so when you are thirsty you can lower a bucket and quench your thrist. Well, it looks like a well, it sure looked promising, but the truth is, the only way to get it to seem like it works, is by doing the labor and bringing buckets of water to at least have "some" water in it. The well has a voice, with each bucket you fetch to dump into the well, the well says "aww, that's good, thank you, thank you, and next thing you know you are getting more buckets to dump in the well. Then you worked so hard at it you get thirsty and you lower that bucket to get some for yourself, but, despite all your effort, the bucket comes up MAYBE with just a little bit, but never enough to satisfy your thirst.

It's not your fault the well is unable to really quench your thirst. What is your fault is to keep thinking the well can quench your thirst when no matter how many buckets you dump in it, no matter how many times you get "petted" with the sweet thank yous, the well CAN'T really give you the water you need.