Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdDancer
I feel fairly stable now, and have been at this point more these past couple years than for a very long time. Bpcyclist, like you, my illness changed a bit over the course of my life. I had severe episodes at 15, 19/20, 24, sorta kinda intermittently between 24 and 32, then severe for much of 33 to 40 years old. Then things weren't as bad, but I was left with various trauma. I do still have plenty of what I call "blips" of mood elevation (mostly) and some downswings, but my moods are now pretty darned level compared to a lot of my life. My stress tolerance was greatly reduced because of that trauma.
During my less severe years of my youth, I had what were surely extremely long-term hypomanic states that didn't reach full-blown. That was still quite problematic for me, in various respects. Only during the "severe" periods I mentioned did I reach full-blown manic or have depressions of notable severity. Those were long-lasting and highly disabling, with plenty of psychosis.
I only experience psychosis during severe mood episodes. I do not have it when my moods are otherwise normal or seemingly only mildly affected. [Sort of "classic" bipolar?] IOWs, if you went down the bipolar symptoms list, most or all were severe. I lack insight during severe periods and experience significant thought disorders.At their worst, there was no need for me to tell people I was manic. It was scarily obvious. Most everyone at my former workplace knew I was very ill, mentally. I didn't disclose that. My illness did.Ditto when it came to my neighbors. Having ambulances show up or six cops show up, attracts attention.
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I am so very sorry you have had to go through all that, BirdDancer. You are a very, very strong woman and I have enormous admiration for you for what you have accomplished under difficult conditions. At least things are fairly stable now, which is terrific.
Yes, generally, when the police begin to appear, things are fairly far along for me. Unfortunately, in this city, there is a small but quite powerful subset of detectives and officers who think it is fun to abuse and even, occasionally, kill us. Very sad. And exceedingly dangerous. I do my best to avoid them.